Sarah’s Story

I was born and raised in northeast Minneapolis. A really good student who didn’t go to parties, I was the last person you would ever think would deal with addiction. I had a family, three kids, married for 19 years. In my later thirties, I had a lot of anxiety and stress over things that were going on with my family and I discovered that alcohol calmed me. I fell into a closet addiction with alcohol. Alcohol became my master. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone. I drank mostly in secret, but what I discovered is that it was changing my personality. It was taking me away from the people that I loved the most and it was separating me from God. I really gave up hope. I got to a point where it wasn’t that I wanted to end my life so much as I didn’t want to live anymore because I couldn’t stop drinking. And literally, it got to be an hourly thing and I felt so dark and so desperate. Drinking took away my ability to be present for my kids because in the back of my mind, I was feeling the anxiety about my next drink. I remember thinking, “OK, I want to get the kids to bed more quickly so I can drink and calm down.” So I’d be reading to them but not fully enjoying our time. I went to visit my daughter and her boyfriend, and I ended up in a blackout. Apparently I was very mean to her and I don’t remember a thing. She’d said, “Mom, I love you, and I want you to get it sober. But when you’re drinking, you can’t be part of my life.” Now I know that when I’m drinking, I’m not part of her life anyways. Alcohol clouds everything and makes it impossible for me to truly be close to her and to be a good mom.

I didn’t know that I needed to invite God into my recovery and being here in Teen Challenge has made all the difference. I’ve completely surrendered to God. The 5% I felt I needed in order to have of control in my life was keeping me back from the infinity of God’s love and his guidance. Through this program, I actually have my hope restored, my joy is being restored, and my relationship with my kids is being restored. I was able to video chat with my kids recently and they said that they have their mom back! They saw it in my face and they heard it in my voice when I hadn’t even felt how different I was.

Every day, I trust God and stay connected with Him through my recovery. I’m in no rush and focused on walking with God, trusting He is going to show reveal my future. There’s a whole lot less fear when you’re doing things for your Father in Heaven who really loves you.